I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Mom said you looked used
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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