: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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