wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
