i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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