Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
