we have officially lost it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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