You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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