I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
