But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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