Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
