Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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