I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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