it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
