My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
