I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
