you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
