I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
