Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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