Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
