When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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