he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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