apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
