I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
