My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
