I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
