i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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