Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
