I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
