Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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