Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize