I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
