My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
