As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
