So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
