Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
