If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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