I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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