I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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