Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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