The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
