Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Sober January is a disaster.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
