She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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