so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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