If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
