Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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