You can't motorboat a personality
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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