you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
