Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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