Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
