I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
