that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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