The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
