You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
