This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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