Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
