I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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