I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
