I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
