The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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