First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
