drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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