They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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