btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
