Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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