come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
