There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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