he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
