im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize