STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
